Attachment Wounds and Trust Issues in Relationships | Anxiety Therapist Los Angeles CA

BIPOC and Queer First Gen struggle with how to build trust in relationships, when they have grown up in learning not to communicate about their emotions. Learn more from an Anxiety Therapist in Los Angeles that does not exist in isolation.

Attachment Wounds and the Fear of Getting Too Close: Insights from an Anxiety Therapist in Los Angeles

Do you find yourself keeping others at a distance, struggling trusting new people, or wondering if anyone can truly be genuine? As an anxiety therapist in Los Angeles CA, I often hear these same fears from clients navigating relationships.

Struggling to Trust Others and Let Them In

If any of these resonant with you, I invite you to read on how you are not alone in this internal struggle. The unexplained fear of letting others in because of your past? A friend, family member, or a romantic connection? A feeling of it being easier to protect yourself from letting others in, if it means, not going through the pain again. The loneliness that comes and goes. The self reliance that feels safer to take on. You can trust only yourself, because you would not let yourself down. These are patterns many First Gen, BIPOC, and Queer folks find themselves stuck in when fears around connection feel overwhelming.

In my practice as an Anxiety Therapist in Los Angeles Ca, this struggle often shows up in sessions when adults notice disconnection in their relationships. They can be: the difficulty with a new supervisor, a friend who lied to them, or a past partner who cheated on them. While these are very different experiences to one another, the underlying issue is the NOT KNOWING what to do with these hurts. The automatic response to these would be to either ignore and act like nothing happened or completely cut them off in any shape way or form. First Gen grow up with these being the only options because culturally that is all that was taught to them in their family structures. This is normal. This is an expectation. This is their internal rule — without really paying attention to the impact on their anxiety, stress, and disconnect with themselves.

Attachment Wounds and the Fear of Getting Too Close

So what happens when those past hurts we discussed earlier get suppressed — or better yet avoided, and we think they have disappeared? Well, they are still there. No, you did not completely get rid of them. These wounds live in us and show up when we are again faced by the same conflict by either the same person or another. They are what we call ‘Attachment wounds.’ Every person has them, and they are deeply connected to our ability to engage in emotional vulnerability with ourselves and others.

When we talk about attachment wounds, we’re really talking about the ways past experiences have taught us to protect ourselves. Many first-gen, BIPOC, and queer clients I work with in Los Angeles and across California share how they’ve had to navigate relationships where vulnerability wasn’t always safe. Sometimes this shows up as keeping people at a distance or assuming others will eventually let them down.

As I wrote in What First-Gen Anxiety Feels Like in Los Angeles, anxiety often carries the voice of survival: “I can’t let this happen to me again.” For many first-gen adults, this comes with an added layer of responsibility — growing up having to figure things out on your own, not wanting to be a burden, or believing you have to “handle it” without showing need. That self-reliance can make opening up to others feel like an enormous risk.

This is where anxiety works as both a shield and a barrier. On one hand, it reminds us of past pain, trying to keep us safe from repeating it. On the other, it blocks us from forming the very connections that help us heal. Clients often describe this as a tug-of-war between wanting closeness and fearing it. The longing to be understood while second-guessing if anyone truly can be.

In therapy, part of the work is naming those protective patterns without judgment. We explore where they come from, how they’ve helped you, and whether they’re still serving you today. On my mental health therapy page, I emphasize creating a safe, culturally informed space where you don’t have to minimize your feelings. Here, attachment wounds aren’t seen as flaws, but as survival strategies that deserve care, compassion, and eventually, healing. We see these same patterns play out not just in our own relationships, but even on reality shows like Love Island USA, where emotional walls, trust issues, and hopes for connection are on full display.

Attachment Reflected in Reality TV: Serena on Love Island USA Season 6

Reality shows like Love Island USA demonstrate how pervasive patterns of emotional safety are tested, especially when participants are thrown into an environment of trying to find a romantic partner. It’s a place full of excitement and curiosity, meeting people you’d never otherwise meet — but it also quickly activates trust issues when emotional closeness feels risky. The ambivalence of a romantic interest staying or leaving because it is “early days” can be a lot emotionally for a person to take on who struggles with being emotionally open.

Past experiences we have experienced in our childhood, friendships, and/or within romantic relationships pushes First Gen to protect themselves in being cautious with their emotional expressions. As an Anxiety Therapist in Los Angeles Ca, we explore these themes, untangle them, and explore new ways to be in relationship with others.

Lets talk about Serena from Love Island USA, who was being cautious since she had been initially coupled with Kordell and with the other “bombshells” that were coming in. There was one foot in and one foot out the door with Kordell — which one can observe it as a way to protect herself because he was after all a stranger to her. A lot of us find ourselves in the real world having a similar wall up as a way to not let others take advantage of us. It can be because of past experiences we have experienced in our childhood, friendships, and/or within romantic relationships which did not make us feel safe to open up emotionally with.

In my work as a therapist in Los Angeles Ca for Anxiety with First Gen, these walls have been built since early on in their lives. They grew up with messages in not being “emotional” because it is shown as weakness and something to taken advantaged of. So ‘Holding It Together’ was an expectation they grew into for themselves. There are the pros and cons of holding onto this rule. On one hand, it can allow you to notice red flags in new people and romantic connections. The con is when small mishaps or misunderstandings feel emotionally heavy because it reminds us of our “attachment wounds” we are not aware of. Instinctually we will want to distance ourselves from the problem or person, because we do not want to feel the pain. This disrupts any type of healing that could happen by addressing the hurt, the miscommunication, and the internal wound.

Serena gets closer to Kordell after being able to take her time in seeing they held the same values around respect, honesty, care, and the ability to be emotionally vulnerable with each other. In order to build trust in a relationship, there has to be emotional safety and validation — and they were starting to build that foundation of emotional safety because of building blocks in communication and emotional needs. Of course, there is an inner battle of hope and skepticism that may be present because a couple of weeks is not enough to build a concrete foundation. She took a chance and that is a very hard and scary step to make for people regardless of trust issues or not. Serena letting Kordell in emotionally prior to Casa Amor, was that step of vulnerability she had worked through the whole beginning of the season to get to.

Casa Amor happens and the majority of viewers, including myself, were screaming at the tv. One, because the foundation that Serena and Kordell built in the villa was being destroyed as the episodes went on. Two, seeing the rise of the emotional vulnerability Serena had built within herself and the potential impact on her. Third, it really racks your brain seeing a connection potentially fall apart and being emotionally invested as a viewer. When casa amor ended, and seeing the hurt Serena had to endure because she was emotionally open to someone does make anybody start to think “what is the point?” — This is the stuck point, where there are two choices 1) Learn why this break of trust feels hurtful, have uncomfortable conversation to heal them, and learn how to move forward or 2)Stay in the hurt, avoid being curios about your emotions, and disconnect yourself completely to move forward.

What Therapy Can Offer for First Gen with Attachment Wounds and Anxiety

As a therapist for Anxiety Therapy in Los Angeles Ca, I work together with clients around their past hurts that are contributing to conflicts in their present relationships. Helping First Gen create more emotional closeness with others, and understand themselves more.

If Serena was going to meet with a therapist to work on the impact of these relational wounds and worry about getting close to others — a big part of therapy would be examining these past hurts and processing the emotions attached to them. An exploration into the common thread to her feelings and these experiences. Ultimately, the goal is to get to a place in identifying and creating corrective experiences to help create a secure attachment. The role I take on within therapy is to help guide my clients towards this path of understanding, certainty, and compassion.

As a therapist for Anxiety Therapy in Los Angeles and across California, especially with First Gen, BIPOC, and Queer adults, a big focus is on navigating how past patterns affect the present. For some, that means exploring how family expectations shaped the way they show or hide their emotions with themselves and others. For others, it’s learning how to communicate their needs in partnerships without fear of rejection or judgment. Therapy creates a space to practice these skills in real time, building emotional safety that feels sustainable, not forced.

Together, we address not just the anxiety and attachment wounds that show up in relationships, but also the stress, self-doubt, and cultural pressures that add to the weight. Therapy helps untangle how much of the worry about being “too much” or “not enough” comes from internalized family rules or cultural messages. This kind of work goes beyond symptom management — it supports clients in reconnecting with their sense of self, while also developing healthier ways of relating to others.

If you’re ready to work through anxiety and attachment wounds, I invite you to learn more about my approach as an anxiety therapist in Los Angeles, CA here.

Contact me today for your free 15 minute consultation at (323) 493-6644 or Book A Session with me here.

Wishing you peace and clarity on your journey to finding the right anxiety therapist in Los Angeles—and the healing you deserve.

Ligia Orellana, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist 122659