Finding Calm in Uncertainty: A Guide for Managing Life When You Feel Out of Control
Acknowledge the Feeling
Moments of uncertainty can feel overwhelming, especially when you are trying to hold everything together on your own.
There is a tension that is beginning to feel more and more annoying as the days go by, reminding you that there is something you are purposely putting in the back of your mind. Maybe you feel it like a nagging headache. A pressure in your chest that can almost be described as an ache. Or even a knot in your stomach.
As a therapist in Torrance CA, I often work with adults who struggle in moments that feel uncertain and out of their control, and this same tension or ache comes up in their lives. You might notice yourself dealing with it the way you know best, by not paying attention to it. Especially when you know what happens when you do. A feeling of being lost or out of control, particularly when there is no clear solution to the problem.
What you may not notice is the decreased patience that slowly begins to build. The short or snappy responses to the people around you. A shorter fuse. A stronger need for structure or reassurance because your capacity to tolerate stress feels lower than usual.
You are not alone in this. When we are faced with uncertainty and a lack of control, it can feel like a switch flips, pushing us to search for ways to calm ourselves. We often turn to what is familiar, what has worked before. But if we are honest, does it ever really go away?
Reflection question: When was the last time you felt like you could not feel the ground underneath you? Almost as if your sense of stability was slipping away?
Understanding Why We Feel Out of Control
When there are aspects of our lives that we do not have power over, it can create a deep sense of feeling out of control. Internally, we often do not know how to respond to situations that are unpredictable or do not have clear solutions.
If you think about how we were taught to approach problems growing up, especially in school, there was almost always a clear answer. A right or wrong. Because of this, it can feel like a shock to the system when we are faced with situations that are more ambiguous, where the path to feeling calm involves sitting with the unknown.
For many people, myself included at one point, this can feel incredibly uncomfortable. The idea of having to wait and see what happens, while also learning to be okay with things outside of your control, can feel overwhelming.
Give someone a problem with a clear solution, and it feels manageable.
Give someone a problem with multiple possible outcomes and endless what-ifs, and it becomes much harder to navigate.
This shows up in many areas of life. Changes at work that shift expectations or processes. Relationships where others handle conflict or emotions differently than you do. A call from your physician about unexpected lab results. Life transitions that feel new and hard to predict. Even broader social or political changes that impact your sense of safety and stability.
All of these moments can bring up the same core feeling, a loss of control and uncertainty about what comes next.
Reflection question: What areas of your life feel most uncertain right now?
How Uncertainty Affects Your Mental Health
Uncertainty does not just stay in your thoughts, it can show up in your body through tension, restlessness, and fatigue.
At times, when we push something to the back of our mind, it still finds ways to surface in visible parts of our lives. As a therapist in Torrance, I often see this show up clinically as anxiety. Many adults I work with notice how uncertainty impacts their sleep patterns, increases moments of tension, and creates a persistent feeling of being stuck. At times, it also shows up in the habits they have developed to cope, habits that may not feel constructive or aligned with how they want to show up in their lives, such as feeling frozen or reacting more quickly than they would like.
What can be harder to recognize is that these patterns are often the result of years of coping with uncertainty. Many of the adults I work with have learned to neglect their own needs. Growing up, they were not always shown how to prioritize themselves, especially when it came to their emotional needs or paying attention to where they were struggling. Instead, they learned to focus on others.
As a therapist who specializes in anxiety therapy in Los Angeles and Torrance, I help clients begin to understand these patterns. Together, we look at what may have worked in the past but no longer feels helpful, and we focus on finding a sense of calm within the ongoing uncertainty while rebuilding a sense of control.
Reflection question: How does uncertainty show up physically or emotionally for you?
Practical Strategies to Regain a Sense of Control
When I begin working with new clients, I often start by offering reassurance that getting to a place of calm within uncertainty does not come from doing everything at once. It comes from small, consistent steps that can be incorporated into daily life.
Some clients come into therapy wanting the feeling to disappear entirely and feel a sense of urgency to start working right away, hoping it will speed up the process. Others feel hesitant to begin because they are unsure of what to expect or what will be required of them.
An urgency can arise from wanting more control in order to feel calm. Our bodies can begin to associate calmness with knowing what is going on, almost as if everything will be okay as long as we have the answers. In moments of crisis, this can be helpful. But in moments that are not rooted in immediate danger, this urgency can leave us feeling restless in our minds. It becomes difficult to accept uncertainty when we do not have control over what is happening.
If we begin to loosen the idea that control always equals safety, we can start to build a higher threshold for navigating moments when life feels unsteady. Over time, this can increase our tolerance and capacity to cope with everyday challenges, so they no longer feel as overwhelming or all-consuming. From here, we can begin to look at small ways to support your body and mind through these moments.
Reflection question: Thinking about a moment that felt uncertain, how did your body react in trying to regain a sense of calm? Note everything.
Tools to Help You Feel More Grounded Day to Day
Here are a few strategies I often introduce in therapy that you can begin to incorporate into your daily life. These can also give you a sense of what anxiety therapy in Torrance and the greater Los Angeles area may look like.
Small, consistent practices like journaling and grounding can help you reconnect with yourself and feel more steady over time.
Mindfulness
This is the practice of learning to be with yourself internally. It involves becoming more aware of the patterns that influence your behaviors, your relationships, and how you experience yourself.
Reflection: When I think about getting to know myself on a deeper level, what comes up for me?
Grounding exercises
These are small, intentional pauses throughout your day that help regulate your nervous system. This might include guided check-ins, noticing areas of tension, or incorporating gentle movement.
Reflection: Where do I struggle most with slowing down during the day? Does it feel difficult all the time, or are there specific moments that feel harder?
Journaling
For some, writing can feel uncomfortable or even pointless at first, and that is okay. In therapy, journaling is tailored to each person. It is used as a way to continue processing between sessions and to build awareness of both internal and external experiences.
Reflection: When I think about a recent moment of frustration, how did I respond, and how did I feel afterward?
Small, achievable goals
These are the steps that support your larger goals in therapy. From both personal and clinical experience, I have seen how recognizing progress in small steps can create momentum. It helps make long-term change feel more possible and less overwhelming.
For example, this might look like intentionally pausing for a few moments during the week, even starting with zero to three times, and gradually building from there.
When to Seek Professional Support from a Therapist in Torrance CA
Holding even a small sense of curiosity about wanting to understand yourself more is a meaningful place to begin when considering therapy. That curiosity is where self-understanding starts to grow. People do not always come into therapy knowing exactly what they want to work on or how to get there. Sometimes it begins simply with a desire to know themselves more deeply. They start to notice things, internally or externally, that feel more bothersome than before. At times, it can be a constant feeling of exhaustion without a clear reason why.
If you have been second-guessing your decisions, feeling uncertain about what comes next in life, or noticing that something feels off in your relationships, both personal and professional, it may be worth exploring. Meeting with a therapist who can support you in untangling these experiences or putting words to what you are feeling can be a helpful next step.
Therapy, especially when life feels out of control, can offer tools and strategies that are tailored to your unique circumstances. It can help you regain a sense of steadiness and reduce the fear that can come when life feels unpredictable.
As an anxiety therapist in Los Angeles, CA, I work with adults, especially first-generation, BIPOC, and Queer individuals, who often appear to be managing everything on the outside while carrying quiet pressure internally. Together, we move at a pace that allows you to reconnect with your own voice and build confidence in the choices you make moving forward.
As a therapist in Torrance, CA for anxiety, I often work with adults who struggle in moments that feel uncertain and out of their control, and this same tension or ache comes up in their lives
If you are curious about how therapy can support you, I am now offering in-person sessions for therapy in Torrance, CA. For those outside of Torrance, online therapy is available throughout California.
You do not have to figure it all out alone. Support can look different than what you’ve experienced before.
You can schedule a free consultation to see if working together feels like the right fit. Finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming, and if we are not the right fit, we can explore options to help you connect with someone who is.
Call (323) 493-6644 or book a consultation here.
Creating Your Personal Action Plan
A meaningful part of learning how to cope with circumstances that feel out of control is recognizing that there is a way through that does not have to leave you feeling stuck or in survival mode day by day.
As an anxiety therapist in Los Angeles, CA, my hope is that clients move through therapy feeling confident in creating their own personal action plans for when life feels uncertain. This includes moving beyond what once felt familiar and building new strategies that begin to feel more supportive and sustainable.
In the upcoming blog posts, we will explore journaling exercises and reflections that you can begin to incorporate into your daily life. These practices are meant to help you shift old patterns and find new ways to create a sense of calm, even in the midst of uncertainty.
Ligia Orellana, LMFT (#122659)
I’m an anxiety therapist in Los Angeles, California, certified in LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapy and Somatic Attachment Therapy. I support first-generation BIPOC and Queer adults who feel the pressure to hold it all together in moving through self-doubt, anxiety, and relationship stress. My work creates space for deeper connection and self-trust through emotional safety and cultural understanding.
Learn more about my work in Torrance or through online therapy, explore specialties like relationship stress and people-pleasing and self-doubt, or visit my About page.
